Monday, September 20, 2021
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February 24 2021

So, since the 60 notice I figured it be good idea to bury the idea of focusing on this drug issue move everyone into this new place safe and good, then see how she plays it, being she was promising that it all was going to be different, I mean she did go 3 weeks now ever since I packed us all up and got us all in this new place..she was back to her old self again, talking allot and being funny and generally hyper stressed and out of her mind with everything being out of place for a time here..she put allot of effort in letting me know how this was all going to be new and good and..yea..it was for like 3 weeks..after having settled in and were started 3 weeks now getting cozy into this new place..and boom ..her nodding off starts up again, the slurred slow speech..sluggish thinking, same old stuff like before...and yea...her lying and denial thing..like, catch her nodding off..and wake her up and she argues she didnt nod out ...im seeing things, again and again. Soo. as much as i was trying to be hopeful, almost had me believing it was over...in fact i was setting up another acoustic casting session the day all this became obvious. wow..just the same day she nodded out 3 times and i was like holy shit! duh..and i was put down like a bad dog for noticing, as of now its been 3 days since that day and i set myself up to sleep on the couch and writing this while she in the bed sitting up all nodded out head all slummed over like junkies do when you pass them in the city alleys. She does that itching thing too like they do, talking all in their neck like someones choking there words and mumbling like they do..classic junkie gestures, slow fading itching hands, twitching as the drift into dreams . So i said to her im going to go get help, like speak to a family crisis counselor about the drama going on around here..lord knows i could use a conversation thats sane and im not the one crazy. but with all the vaccinations kicking of i dont want send us all through a emergency family intervention situation. im going to slow my reactions down and see how far this can go before i need to take us down an intervention path. i have to mention something i noticed,  from all this happening,  her moment when she has some time in her normal state, her behavior is becoming more childlike, erratic, and panic driven, a uncomfortable observation for me, i have to reel her in more and more to whats 'normal life'...and here i reread the what im saying and have to ask myself, am I the one in a panic driven state of mind, and lost or disconnected to whats 'normal life' ? ..is this all in my head?